I can write essays really good because I went to school and there was the teacher and the teacher teached me how to write essays and you have to have a good title that says what you are going to write about and you need facts from like the encyclopedia and stuff but you can’t just copy it because that’s purgatory and it is pretty bad like you can go to jail and in jail they have something called “rape” and if my mom hears you say “rape” she will say it is a bad word and never to say it again and then she shivers and puts her hands over her face and runs away and won’t talk for a couple of days and stuff but if my dad hears you say “rape” nothing will happen because I don’t have a dad so I learned real good how to write essays and its like this special gift I have to write them and bring people joy so I wrote this essay for you to make your life a little happier.
You should begin your pair of graphs with a topic sentence. For example, you could start by saying, “You should begin your pair of graphs with a topic sentence.” Then you should talk about topic sentences. I can climb all the way up the big tree next to the monkey bars and yesterday I climbed all the way up there and the tree was shaking and it was trying to make me fall but I didn’t fall because I’m too good at climbing trees.
For example, you have to say “for example” and “according to” then cite your source and its credentials a lot in your essay. According to Mrs. Benny if you don’t say them five times then your essay is really bad and you will probably get a D which means you are dumb. One time, my friend got a D and then the next day his house burned down and his baby sister got eaten by a chimpanzee and he cut himself on a broken bottle and got AIDS from a bum and 103 people killed themselves in a cult in Wisconsin and a million people starved to death in Rwanda and also he stubbed his toe.
This is the next pair of graphs. According to Eric Schlosser, noted essayist and author of Fast Food Nation, I am almost done. There is one more thing I have to tell you. After that that will be it. Then I will be finished the essay. According to Jesus, the Son of God, this was a very good essay and deserves an A++++ 100% plus extra credit and a hand job.